Payday 3 Review. Almost. Functional. Edition


You see, I need my third payday. It's finally here, and it's functional at least 20% of the time—a new record for modern game releases. We got clowns, we got cars, we got cars hitting clowns and clowns hitting women, we got me spinning this guard around to give them a little smooch, we got my War crime bathroom populated by hostages and a 50-cal bathtub, and last but not least, we got the main event drum roll, please, the real article game matchmaking error.

Baby. Woo! As many of you may know, Payday 3 had a bit of a disastrous launch. I'll get into that in just a second, but besides the matchmaking issues, people ask me, Verac, is the game itself any good? Should I play it? Please give me my opinion. I'm scared don't worry i have all the best opinions, and I'm here to let you have them too, should you play Payday 3.

Maybe, and I'm going to tell you why. Payday, for those of you who don't know, is a series where you, in three other people. Dawn clown masks, get into all sorts of Juggle o Shananigans, for example, robbing banks, drinking fago, taking hostages, and giving me weed unprompted on my first camping trip.

Thanks, Jordan anyway, you go on heists, shoot some cool guns, and have a gay old time. I've been playing since the first game in the series, when Dallas was one step away from looking like Di, and I was looking forward to this third entry in the series now. Unfortunately, Payday 3 got into some trouble with its release.

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Well, the fine people at Star Breeze Studios made the bold choice to have Payday 3 be an online-only title. What does this mean? Well, it means if your internet goes out, if your family pet Andor family [__] chooses through a wire, or if Star Breeze's internet goes out, you don't get to play at all.


There is no offline game of any kind, meaning if you want to even play solo. You need an internet connection born too late to explore the world born too early to get forcibly juled by a towel born just in time to require, matchmaking, to play completely alone this decision to have payday 3 be online only in a spat of cosmic Justice was immediately punished when the game launched so many people were trying to play that the servers could not handle it playing with friends down playing with randoms down by yourself down doesn't matter they all use the same servers and the system is down the game was functional outside of regular us daytime hours because the bulk of the player base was asleep, now I have the luxury of having a completely obliterated sleep schedule so I could play at 3:00 in the morning with the other 10 stinky Europeans online at the time but for the thousands of people looking forward to this who have normal daytime jobs and wanted to unwind after work payday 3 was not playable the game couldn't handle the load and forced most people into a main menu limbo and this didn't just last a couple hours after the release this went on for days.

People were furious. I'm here to explain to you how things are now, so sit back, relax, and enjoy as I verlain. All over you to you. I mean to you about the Payday 3 launch experience. You don't need to hold the door. And communication there's just one problem: there's no chat, voice, or text; you literally can't plan in the planning phase of the game.


I cannot believe the ability to communicate in the lobby would be an overlooked feature. I don't know how to emphasize enough how egregious this is. Bad for a co-op game, not to mention that in Payday, for those who don't know, many payday levels have a plan A, a plan B, and sometimes even a plan C.

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This sometimes involves a stealth phase at the start; it's possible to complete most levels stealthily. The whole way through this is called going quiet or being a little [__] baby, but if you get caught, the heist isn't over. You can still mask up and take out your shotgun. And smash and grab as much as you can carry to the getaway or maybe you want to skip the stealth all together with your guns blazing from the very beginning of the heist both of these are called going loud, whether you're in the mood to play quiet or loud be prepared to have every game ruined by this lack of communication in Payday 3 if you want to play stealth someone's going to mask up right away and ruin it if you want to play Loud your other teammates want to play stealth and you're sitting there with no silence pistol and fingers up your ass for 30 minutes you can't ask what people are planning on doing before the game starts because in the planning phase there is no way to plan, this is especially bad if you want to play Loud from the beginning stealth is fun every once in a while but sometimes you want to just walk straight into the bank with your giant hog scraping on the floor and tell everybody to get down you know on the floor with your giant hog.

The problem is that you can do stealth alone, but you can't play loud alone. Silenced, pistol how fun! This would be so easily solved by putting a text chat in the lobby. I just want to join, type in loud, and they say yes, or if stealth fails, yes, great. I'll take that they say no, then I know right away I'm dealing with people who'd rather dig around in a guard's ass for key cards for 30 minutes, and I can promptly leave without wasting time before I find another game.


Not that I haven't dug around in there before. I'm just saying I unlocked a shotgun and I want to use it. The other great anti-c commmunication feature they've implemented here is that when you're in a game there is a total lack of information on the HUD you got armor health and the number of down you have before you go into custody that is it no equipment, no grenades, no ammo no number of hostages, nothing once again I have no idea why it was designed this way but this game has a hard on for making it difficult to communicate and cooperate with your teammates in this Co-op game anyway let's talk actual gameplay it may surprise you to hear this after all of my complaining, but I actually like how the game feels it's part of why the other stuff aggravates me because there is potenti potential here the guns look and sound.

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Good the movement is highly improved from previous games as well. Part of the fluidity is because Payday 3 is the first in the series to not be created on a racing game engine. Now, just because it's improved mechanically from the last two doesn't mean there aren't bugs. It wouldn't be payday if there wasn't some janky nonsense; there are some really heinous ones that are inexcusable.

Bag i need a medic. Dallas, Med, somebody help Dallas. I really like what they did with the special units in this game. Bulldozers are no longer just bullet sponges; they will tackle you like a [__] linebacker. Cloakers are extremely agile and will take you down in one hit, like in games, but now they do it while gangstalking you, taking corners, and running on walls to avoid being noticed.

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